No, I didn’t get the car washed in 30 seconds; nothing here in Mexico moves that fast. The “automated car wash” is powered by Jose, Raul and Manuel. The wash took about 20 minutes and they did an excellent job for 50p plus tip and it lasted exactly 30 seconds because it began to sprinkle on me as I drove away from the car wash. I thought I could outrun the shower to the south by driving north and drove right into one – so it goes. Hey, rain check please – you ever see 3 guys rolling on the floor in a car wash laughing? – rain checks, another alien concept with the locals.

It was at this point I remembered I needed new windshield wipers and stopped by my favorite auto supply, the one where we both speak different foreign languages together, but we always get the job done. I handed him a wiper and said “dos por favor” and he came up with dos and was pointing to some of the labeling on the package and it must be important as he was most insistent – I haven’t looked up the translation yet, but after he keyed in the amount due on his calculator we parted happy campers.

The season of the great northern “snowbird” is upon us as the traffic is markedly heavier than when I arrived in early October. The influx of NOB gringos in search of warmth and a simpler way of life is paradoxical as it creates the opposite in heavier traffic, higher housing prices and air pollution. Yes, sadly as I was out near Mezcala last week taking pictures, the hazy dirty cloud hanging over the north shore was obvious. But, you want to live "gringo," that what you get, and as we’re all spoiled by our lifestyles we expect to live like gringos and the local merchants are quick to provide the products we require at a premium price – which we grudgingly pay. 

Mexicans love pickups (just like Texans) as they are tough for the cobbleboulder streets, have good clearance for the ever present topes and practical because you can put the whole family plus dogs in the back, or you can haul most anything – which brings us to the real point here, hauling money. Yes, even the armored cars here are pickups, armor plated of course and king cab, but distinctly pickups with the short sealed-in-steel bed sticking out the back (wonder what they put back in there?).

Expanding on my favorite creation in this paradise, the much maligned ubitiquos tope. Actually other than the obvious function they can be a friendly way of meeting the driver of that other vehicle carefully creeping toward you. The other day in Mirasol as I made my way over tope número cinco (a particularly nasty one requiring a zero mph approach to prevent a frontal lobotomy of your suspension) I chanced to arrive at the apex of old #5 at precisely the moment the guy coming the other direction achieved his zenith, as we both had our windows open, and arms leaning out I extended my hand and introduced myself. At first, taken a bit aback, he quickly recovered and by the time we have cleared #5 I had made a new friend. Really I hear you ask? – well, not totally, but I did say hello to the other guy and he smiled in response and had it been an attractive young lady I might have considered throwing myself in front of her car to smooth the path - or not.

Beyond the tope discussion I’m hearing what I believe to be a clever PR campaign to preserve the natural quaintness of the local cobbleboulder streets. I’m now hearing a “spinning” of what amounts to the bone jarring, suspension destroying surface we call streets hereabouts – they’re now referring to the two strips that are somewhat less impassable as “soft cobblestones” – an obvious attempt to neutralize the complaints of everything from snakes to horses (humans and vehicles included therein) directed toward these incidious projections. Now, I don’t mean to exaggerate, but it’s fairly common knowledge that several of the smaller pasteleria’s locally mix their first batch of dough on the way to work by simply dumping the ingredients into a mixing bowl and putting it on the floorboard of the vehicle. By the time they arrive, it’s nicely, and thoroughly, mixed.

Every day here is an adventure whether it’s simply getting up at 6am to hear the fading sounds of an all night party at the park, or visiting the local market to shop for stuff written in Spanish all the while knowing you haven’t a clue as to what it says. Yesterday I  ventured off the usual V8 juice to try something new – boy, did it put a jump in my step at breakfast this morning, shazaam that stuff has a kick and I’ve still got 3 more cans in the fridge. 

On my first trips to the store after arriving I was buying cleaning supplies and noticed an extensive collection of scouring pads, sponges etc., also large bottles of muriatic acid and I didn’t think too much of it until yesterday when I decided to spiff up the tile in and around the shower. Seems the local water has a fairly high mineral content (measured in stones per gallon) which takes some severe chemicals and scrubbing to overcome, but hey, it’s good exercise to be hanging over the porcelain bus scratching at an almost unreachable alkali deposit doused in ozone depleting chemicals – I guess?

I bought a couple of chaise lounges the other day from a lady down the road a piece and it was typical Mississippi directions: you go past the big yellow bridge club building and watch for the taco stand with the blue awning (actually that’s all there is to the taco stand, a blue awning) then turn right until the road ends, take a left and follow on to #10 – sure enough that’s exactly where she was. Got a heck of a deal.

I’ll close with a bit of personal observation noted in my shaving mirror; I can feel the collapsing universe of things that used to be vital and interesting to me which now mean nothing. Example: my top of the line radar detector is in the closet, NOB I wouldn’t have left the garage without it, and local news on the hour? – what local news? – in fact, what is the hour anyway.

As this is officially Revolution Day I’m going to step out onto my deck and fire off another clip from my AK47 before I turn in and hope they land in the lake, this darn bandelero is killing me, they're not compatible with recliners.